Thursday night binge session

Thursday night didn't go so well. Well it could have been worse... I got home and made some popcorn... I didn't measure which is stupid of me, & so of course I made too much. Instead of just eating what I would have normally and putting the rest in an air tight container I thought 'That's it, I've stuffed it.' God if going over 1.5 points is stuffing it then I have some issues. Anyhow it resulted in a yoghurt binge. I just ate and ate and ate youghurt. I think I had 3 nestle diet ones left and a fruche... but I just went for it. Apart from the binge aspect, it worked out ok. I wasn't hungry for dinner so I didn't eat it, and I only went over by a few points in the end, but still... not good. If I had a choice between yoghurt or pasta for dinner... oh I wanted those lentils. Damn!

Well in other news. I cheated on my dodgy scales and weighed myself. I've lost weight. YAY! I think I may make as much as 1.5kg by monday (didn't weigh myself wednesday couldn't face it). So gotta stick to it like a good little chicken. I have to be 65kg at least by my high school reunion. I don't want the people from high school to think of me as the fat girl - I know it's silly but I was so over weight in high school. God, a 15 year old shouldn't be 84kg.

Sooo Today's menu:
Breakfast: ww bar 2.5; coffee 2.5 (lol healthy aren't I) =5
Morning tea: strawberries & chippies =1.5
Lunch: GF minestrone soup 2.5; yoghurt 1.5 = 4
Afternoon tea: apple (small bugger) =1
Dinner= dunno yet... will have to think about it.

TOTAL: 11.5 before dinner; 8.5 for dinner YAY!

Thursday

I made good choices yesterday and I'm proud of myself. I was hungry and only ate 1/2 packet of rice chips and managed not to eat the rest. Also, Luke was like 'let's have dinner out tonight', so I ate to my points (vege pita from nandos) and didn't have a salad with dressing (would have pushed me over). I am showing restraint again! YAY! It's the weekends that are hard though.

Anyhow onto today's menu:

Breakfast: usual 6

Morning tea: chippies, carrots 1

Lunch: soup, yoghurt 4.5

Afternoon tea: apple 1.5

Dinner: pasta, sauce, veggies, :D cheese 6.5

TOTAL: 19.5 points :D

Wednesday

Another day. Another menu. Again, I managed to stick to my points. That's two days in a row - fecking hell I'm awesome.

Soooo today's menu:
Breakfast: cereal, fruit salad, coffee, yoghurt 6
Morning tea: chippies & carrots, lollipop 1.5
Lunch: Apple, yoghurt 3.5

Afternoon tea: 1.5 GF veg chips
Dinner: vege pita - 6.5

TOTAL: 19

Tuesday

I was a good girl yesterday. I stuck to my points yay!

Today:
Breakfast: Cereal, Coffee, Fruit, Yoghurt 6
Morning tea: carrot, rice chippies 1
Lunch: soup, yoghurt 4.5
Afternoon tea : apple 1.5
Dinner: Veggies and soy burger 6.5

TOTAL: 19.5

EDIT: deviation from menu
Afternoon tea included: popcorn and lollipop 2 points
Dinner: just veggies + yoghurt (again!!!)- corn, gravey, broccoli, broad beans, beans. 3.5 (that's a bit sad for dinner) TOTAL: 18.5

For myself really:
Breakfast: coffee, yoghurt, apple 5
Lunch: soup 2.5
Snack: chippies 1
Dinner: (Rice, tofu, veggies, soy sauce, the laughing cow) 6.5 points.

TOTAL: 15 points

Yoghurt 2; diet coke; popcorn 1.5

TOTAL: 18.5

SAVED: 1.5

Weighin week 3 Gain!

Gained 200g. Fuck! I guess it could have been worse. It's just so disheartening, but I know I'm not giving it my best. Current weight 69.5kg (700g to be in a healthy BMI).

700g... it's all I need to be in a healthy weight range for my height. I'm a fucking retard, that's what I am :D.

Why is it so hard to lose 700g... well I am leading into that time of the month again... so maybe it's just not as good either. I've been exercising heaps which is annoying.

Edit: Wednesday's menu - has changed since I left my lunch at home. Shiteful really!!!

Total:

Breakfast: toast x2, coffee, yoghurt 5.5

Morning tea: Green cordial... 0!!!

Lunch: Sushi 6ish points I guess... or I could go get gluten free chips for 3.5 (oh the choices).

Afternoon tea: lollipop .5

Dinner: Home made pizza: 6.5

-base 2

-dip 0

spices 0

cheese 2.5

dalmade 1.5

olives .5

pineapple 0 (tiny amount)

capsicum, spinach, mushrooms 0

Tuesday

Eeep it's not looking good for tomorrow's weigh in. I'll have to suck it up when the numbers read out around 70kg I suspect. I just weighed myself on the dodgy scales and i've gained weight since yesterday. With all the exercise I did (walking a whole heap) and pump - I would have thought that I would have seen a drop on the scales. On a good note. I stuck to my 16.5 points for yesterday. The day before I had 20 points. Today will be no different.

Tuesday's menu:

Breakfast: 4.5

yoghurt 1

coffee 2.5

toast 1

Morning tea: 1.5

Mandarin .5

chips 1

Lunch: 2

Pumpkin soup 2

Afternoon tea: 1.5

saltanas .5

Banana 1

Dinner: 7

Rice 5

Laughing cow cheese .5

asparagas, mushroom, snow peas, spinach 0

stock, salt & pepper 0

Skinny cow ice-cream 1.5

TOTAL 16.5

Exercise: walking 5.5

I'll probably end up getting a lollipop which will make it 17 points :D

Monday

Well it would be nice if I could stop sabotaging myself. If I actually stuck to my points like I planned (and my menu) I would be about a kg less than I am now.

A few months ago, I started to binge eat. Chocolate, chips, ice-cream, biscuits, yoghurt, cheese, bread... and I'm talking one sitting in the space of 30 minutes. Then i would hate myself for it, but I get these urges to eat and I just go for it.

Well I had another one on Saturday night. Pringles, Maltesers and toblerone... yes I ate all that in the space of an hour. I just sat there and ate and ate and ate... by writing this down where people can see it, I can't deny it anymore. I just don't know why I started doing this to myself. I went 6 months without any issues and now I can't even last 2 days. Why?

Yesterday I ate 2o points which is good. I wanted to eat under 20, to try and undo the damage that I had done, but I couldn't last. I needed the whole days points value. Shame really!

I need to make that first goal more attainable I think (not that 2kg isn't attainable), it's just that I need to start feeling good about myself again). I need to know that I have achieved something no matter how small it is. So I'm setting my first goal at 68.5kg. Still not a healthy weight range, but I just feel that if I can get there, I might be able to start doing this thing properly again.

Anyhow today's menu:
Breakfast: 3
Banana
Toast
yoghurt

Morning tea: 1.5
mandarin .5
chips 1

Lunch: 2.5
Corn Soup

Afternoon tea: 1.5
Saltanas .5
Milko & redskin

Dinner: 8
Veggies .5
Mash 2.5
corn 1.5
quiche 2
gravy 0
skinny cow 1.5

TOTAL: 16.5
Exercise: 5
Walking 2.5
Pump 2.5

Friday

It appears that my secret weapon is green cordial. It worked like a charm yesterday! I didn't feel like food after drinking it and best of all it is point free (providing I don't drink too much that is), woohooo!!

Today's menu:

Breakfast: (3.5)
yoghurt 1
coffee 2.5

Morning tea: (2.5)
chips 1
choc mousse 1
mandarin .5

Lunch: (2)
Soup 2

Afternoon tea: (.5)
Saltanas .5

Dinner - again, not sure!

So before dinner I will have eaten: 8.5 points... if I stick to it, I might just make that thai green curry. It's a good meal, but point expensive! Or even shepherdless glutenless pie... hmm I might be onto something with that last one.

Thursday

Man, already over ate by about 10 points. Why is it so hard for me to not think about food ALL-THE-TIME! So went home and pigged out again. It was healthy food luckily, but I still pigged out *sigh*.

I'm trying this new thing (again). I eat when I'm bored at work, it's like taking a break from what I'm doing. I have brought with me low joule green cordial and whenever I feel like eating, I'll get up from my desk and go make a green cordial drink. It'll be like fun at work without the calories. Eventually I'm hoping the food thoughts will die in the arse.

I've also decided to bring less food with me and hopefully that'll mean I'll snack less as well.

So today:
Breakfast (3.5)
Yoghurt 1
coffee 2.5

Morning tea (3.5)
Mandarin .5
chippies 1
caramel creme 1
Banana 1

Lunch (3)
Rice 2
veggies .5
cheese .5

Afternoon tea (1)
Saltanas .5
Hot Choc .5

Dinner (8) - a bit extravagant
rice 3.5
sauce 3
potato 1
veg .5


Before dinner 10 points. Oh god. Stick to it woman! Think green cordial!

TOTAL 19 points Woohoo! I dids it!!!
Exercise 5

Weighin week 2

*sigh* I was hoping for at least a 1kg loss, I managed 400g. I should be happy I lost anything after those few days of blow outs. Wake up call? I hope so. It's good to see that the scales have at least dropped a little. Hopefully that will be motivation to actually try. It seems so hard to stay motivated. I just want to get my BMI below 25 again. It's so close I can feel it!!!

One thing I have to keep reminding myself - High School Reunion. I want to be in a healthy weigh range because I don't think I ever was. Surely that is motivation enough? Maybe not when I'm hungry though...

So today's weigh in:

Lost: 400g

Current weight 69.3kg

To next goal: 1.8kg

To GOAL: 9.3kg

Anyhow, today's menu:

Breakfast: 2

Yoghurt 1

Toast 1

Morning tea: 4

Caramel creme 1

chips 1

mandarin .5

coffee 1.5

Lunch: (3.5)

Rice 2

veggies .5

cheese 1

Afternoon tea: (1.5)

Saltanas .5

Hot Choc .5

pineapple .5

Dinner: (9ish)

Asian from the new place down the road

TOTAL: 20

Exercise: 8

Tuesday

Let's not mention what happened when I got home yesterday. It involved gluten free bread and well too many slices of gluten free bread... like I said... lets not mention it.

Today however, is going to be a much better day. I've already walked 6kms (did it in an hour, and I stopped to get a coffee - I feel like super woman). I always knew I could multi-task, but to walk fast and carry/drink a coffee... oooooooh that's impressive! Next you know I'll be able to drink coffee and do weights or step!

Anyhow, onto today's menu:

Breakfast (3.5)
Yoghurt (1)
Coffee (2.5)

Morning tea (2.5)
creme caramel 1
chips 1
mandarin .5

Lunch (3)
Soup 1.5
veggies 0
fromaig (1.5)

Afternoon tea (1.5)
hot choc .5
lollipop .5
saltanas .5

Dinner (8)
Butter chicken sauce 2
tofu 100g 2
veggies .5
rice 3.5

TOTAL: 18.5
Exercise: 5.5 (which is automatically deducted from the bread *le sigh*)

Monday

Well I KNOW I blew my points on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I had a really good weekend (minus the food blow out). My friends - Kain and Sophie - are moving to Japan in 2 weeks time and they had a farewell party at one of the local pubs. I think 3 ciders and 2 Rodkas & 2 jam donut shots later - I was well and truely over my points... oh god and that was before we went to 24 hour Kmart and bought Toblerone and chips... the next day wasn't much better and neither was the Sunday.

But here I am, Monday, and surely I am back on track. Weighin will be on Wednesday so I would at least like to record a loss of some sort. I was hoping for 2 kg, but it looks like I'll be lucky to lose half lol. Um, in other news. I'm going to go see Marilyn Manson in October. We have to fly to Melbourne; I've never really listened to his music, but Luke is a huge fan so I think if I don't want a divorce I have to go *giggles*.

Anyhow, today's menu.
Breakfast: (2)
Fruit 1
Yoghurt

Morning Tea: (2.5)
Creme caramel 1
chips 1
mandarin .5
carrot 0

Lunch (6.5)
Soup 2.5
Fromaig 1.5
coffee 2.5

Afternoon tea (1.5)
Redskin .5
Saltanas .5
Milko .5

Dinner: (6)
Capsicum 0
Rice 3
cheese 2.5
veggies .5

Dessert (1.5)
Freddo

Total: 20
Save 0
Exercise: 0 (my lungs still can't hack it bleugh)

Friday

Today is going to be a challenge with food. I stuck to my points yesterday, but only managed to save .5. Although I did walk about 9 kms yesterday so that has to count for something :D. I will have to update my totals.

Today's Menu:
Breakfast (3.5)
Toast 2
pb + jam .5
rice 1

Morning tea: (4.5)
coffee 2.5
mandarin .5
pineapple .5
carmel creme 1

Lunch: (3.5)
cheese 1
corn soup 2.5

Afternoon tea (1)
Saltanas .5
hot chocolate .5

Dinner (4.5)
Subway veggie delight (4.5)

After dinner drinks: (3)
3 vodkas and diet coke

Total: 20 points
Save: 0 points
Exercise: 2.5 (walking)

Thursday - the day of champions

Hell the last 2 days I've survived well! I've been offered cake today as it is someone's birthday at work, I said I might have a little piece, but I really think that I need longer before accepting extra things into my diet. I've only just got back on track Tuesday after all. I need at least a month. I'm glad I made that decision.

So today's menu is:
Breakfast (2):
Yoghurt 1.5
Strawberries .5

Morning tea (4.5):
Coffee 2.5
Caramel Creme 1
Carrot 0
Saltanas .5
Mandarine .5

Lunch (3):
Soup 1.5
Fromaig 1.5

Afternoon tea (1.5):
Carrot 0
Freddo 1.5

Dinner (6.5):
Corn 1.5
Mashed potato 2.5
Egg frittata 2
veggies .5
gravy 0

Movie food (0.5):
lollipop .5

Total: 18 points
Saved 2
exercise 2.5

First weigh in

Well I faced the music and weighed in. I really didn't want to. I couldn't quite believe how much I weighed: 69.7kg! That is most definitely NOT ideal. It's hard to believe that I put on so much weight. On my wedding day I was less than 63kg and that's not even 6 months ago. There are a few things I've been doing that I don't want to admit to that has attributed to this weight gain. I don't know why I was feeding my feelings, but I just couldn't seem to stop. I could eat a couple of chocolate bars in 1 sitting. Even when I weighed 75kg I didn't do that. Aaand I started binge eating, I could eat non stop for a couple of hours - I just can't do this to myself anymore. All I can say is that thank god for the gym because I imagine it would be worse otherwise.

Okay so my goals are as follows:

1. Fitting back into my clothing. Some of it is tight and some of it is unwearable! I want to get into those size 12 jeans from sports girl (I didn't buy them).
   
   
2. Be back at goal for my 10 year high school reunion in November. I don't want to be a chubber. I've always been a chubber so I need to be healthy to show all those people who were mean to me because of my weight that I can take control of my life - I know how much I like to be in control.
   
   
3. Japan! Japan! Japan! Well this is my ultimate goal. When I reach goal I am going to buy some crazy Japanese gothic attire in February (oh it'll be my birthday too and wedding anniversary - YAY).

Okay so in summary:

Current weight: 69.7kg

Goal weight: 60kg

Lost: 0kg

Next goal: - 2.2kg

GOAL: - 9.7 kg

67.5 kg I will buy myself something lovely. Oh I know, those tarot cards I have my eye on. I really want those. Right TAROT cards it is!

Today's menu:

Breakfast: (1.5)

yoghurt 1

strawberries .5

Morning tea: (5.5)

Carrot 0

Mandarine .5

coffee 2.5

pineapple .5
Nestea iced tea 2

Lunch: (4)

Corn soup 2.5

Fromaig 1.5

Afternoon tea: (1)

Popcorn .5

saltanas .5

carrot 0

Dinner: (7)

Stuffed capsicum

Dessert: (1.5)

Skinny cow ice cream 1.5

TOTAL: 20.5 points

save: -.5

exercise: step 5.5 points

Weekly tally

Tuesday saved 2 exercise 2.5 (2/2.5)

Wednesday saved -.5; exercise 5.5 (1.5/8)

Tuesdays Menu

Breakfast (2)
Yoghurt 1.5
Strawberries .5

Morning tea (2)
Mandarine .5
Carrot 0
coffee 1.5

Lunch (4.5)
Corn Soup 2.5
Yoghurt 2

Afternoon tea (1.5)
Saltanas .5
popcorn .5
hot choc .5
carrot 0

Dinner (6.5)
Rice 3.5
capsicum 0
cheese 2.5
veggies .5

Dessert (1.5)
Skinny Cow icecream 1.5

Total: 18
Save: 2
Exercise: 2.5

Erm, you better scrap the Capsicum that is stuffed and replace it with:
chips 3
yoghurt 1.5

Technically it was a saving, but damn I didn't mean to eat so little!!!

First blog

I never know how to use these blogs. I seem to go through sparadic usage. All I know is that I need to get back on track before it is really to hard to do something about my weight. I checked my weight on the dodgy broken scales and I think I might be 70kg *sigh*. I really need to get back into control. I've been binge eating and that's just not me. I don't know why I do it - I just get the urge and just run with it *sigh*.

So a fresh start. A new blog to go with the fresh start. It will probably go through bits of boringness, but as long as the scales (and my clothing) start showing me love again, I should be ok. I've just got to stop struggling with myself really. Stop being so hard on myself and just start learning to say no again. Just force myself. Eat the healthy foods I like without worrying about the price tag.

So tomorrow I will be honest with myself and weigh in (I am terrified) but it is a necessary evil to get back into control.

My goal. Ultimate goal, is to being a skinny bitch for my high school reunion in November. I was a really overweight teenager (84-90kg), and I want to be a size 12 again when they see me. The real question is - should I wear a corset to my reunion *laughs*!!!